Dear Get-It-Done Guy:
It’s hard for me to say this. Truly, it is. But honestly? I hate you.
I have been perfectly content whiling away my working hours by reading through an endless deluge of Nigerian spam, listening to 12-minute voicemails, and letting my business receipts pile up into a fire hazard.
But now? Now that I’ve actually used the advice you’ve offered on your Quick and Dirty Tips to Work Less and Do More podcast to shave minutes—nay, hours—from my banal work rituals? I realize that I could have been accomplishing a whole lot more during my workweek.
Instead of writing ludicrous stories about using feng shui to choose your car color, I could have been taking that extra time to craft a killer query to the New Yorker.
That 8-minute podcast that explains why it’s almost always better to re-install software on a computer rather than try uninspired and worthless fixes? Could have saved me many an anguished day in 2006. Where were you then, Stever Robbins?
And the “delegate your misery” podcast? On outsourcing the stuff that you’re truly terrible at doing? Oh, well, fine. That was awesome and timely, and now I have someone fantastic who does all of my transcribing. I suppose I’ll earn a lot more money and owe you a kickback. Jerk.
Every week, I know that I’m going to have to find a whole new way of wasting time to make up for the efficiencies I’ve gained in other areas of my life. And a girl can only play so many games of Minesweeper before she starts seeing those little boxes in her sleep.
I may not yet achieved the much-vaunted Four-Hour Workweek. But I seem to have a lot more time on my hands now than I did just a few months ago, when I started listening to your brilliant little podcasts. Brilliantly evil, that is.
If this were a different time and place, Mr. Robbins, I might suggest that we meet at high noon outside of a saloon, ten paces apart. But I know if this were a different time and place, you’d have figured out a way to do a more efficient quick draw than I could.
I concede. I have subscribed to your podcast. I hope you’re happy.
xo,
Erin
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3 comments:
Dear Erin,
Oh, the tragedy of it all! I empathize. Really I do!
Now that you're productive, the deeper secret is not to tell anyone, even yourself. If anyone thinks you have free time, they'll give you something else "productive" to do. As your post so eloquently demonstrates, you're productive enough. You don't need more.
Instead, use the time you've saved to play Parcheesi, learn 13th century Albanian Broom Dancing, and write that in-depth examination of dog grooming and its effects on pork belly prices that you've been putting off for so long.
Before you know it, you'll be celebrated from Coast to Coast as an embodiment of 21st Century Renaissance. Philosophers will debate your ideas, poets will toast your name, and Bill O'Reilly will accuse you of sedition, fanatical liberalism, and corruption of innocent Canines. Life will be good!
I look forward to reading the draft of chapter one.
Warmest regards,
Stever Robbins
host of The Get-it-Done Guy
I completely sympathize with Erin.
Well said. This is exactly what I'd expect to see in the first GIDG hate mail. I wonder how many other perfectly wasted work days he's saved.
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