Pop Culture Cliffs Notes*

For the impatient, is there anything better than time-lapse photography? I remember first being impressed by the technology as a kid, when we watched a film about – well, I’m not sure what, but it definitely included fruit rotting over the course of a week. A real attention-grabber for the pre-teen set.

These days, I’m still dazzled by the construction workers scurrying around at warp speed on shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Less time watching actual construction = more time watching tear-jerking scenes with the families. What’s not to love?

But I digress: the point of any of these is that you get the gist of what’s going on without having to spend too much time on it. And that’s why I love VH1’s Best Night Ever.

It’s true that pop culture is one of the few things Americans seem not to gloss over. According to one study, we spend five hours in front of the tube each day soaking in the favorite colors of reality show contestants and watching reruns of Full House to see what sort of hijinks Uncle Jesse will get into this week.

While I hate to get too smug about the whole thing, who’s got that kind of time to waste on that drivel? After all, I keep plenty busy playing all of my turns on Facebook’s Scrabulous.

To keep my television schedule at more manageable levels, I like to outsource the couch-potatoing to the very capable, funny folks at VH1. Their Best Night Ever podcast is a low-budget affair with one of several hosts talking about the previous day’s TV highlights against a cheesy blue-screen background (or often, just a blank screen). If you’ve got three minutes, you’ll get all the fodder you need to be the clever one at the water cooler tomorrow.

Want to find out who sliced off a finger in Hell’s Kitchen? Wondering how the celeb cameos worked out in Ugly Betty? Want to hear host Brian Faas compare the American Idol finale to intramural rhythm gymnastics? Of course you do.

And that last part is why you should watch. The hosts, who are at turns incisive, goofy, self-deprecating, and snort-milk-out-your-nose funny, pick apart the key moments of episodes. They perfectly capture what you were probably already thinking about Paula Abdul’s latest loopy outburst, even if you couldn’t quite articulate it yourself.

So stop watching every single bloated TV episode that comes on and start downloading these tiny video flash cards to keep up to date. Unlike all those Spanish conjugations you had to memorize in high school, you’ll probably like doing this a whole lot more.

After all, you’ve got more important things to spend your time on—in fact, I think I have a sheep to throw right now.


* For those who graduated from high school sometime during the current millennium, I understand that SparkNotes is probably the preferred reference.